The slow spirally decent from the Wagon...and getting back on the horse

So after 6 long weeks I lost 8% of my body weight and lost all kinds of cm off of my boobage and waist and thighs etc.

Then I turned 40 and decided to move back in with my partner Craig....Honeymoon stage ensued and exercise routine went right out the window.   Far more interesting things to do in the mornings and evenings than hovers....

But I think last night was the last straw on my brief sojourn off the wagon.  Went to a party at the owner of Schoc Chocolates house and man can that boy cook.  The ride home over the Rimutakas really needed to be done horizontal for my belly looked like I was about 7 months pregnant.  I think I am going to give birth to a chocolate baby today of some form.

So it is almost one month of bugger all work outs and eating like I don't give a crap.   At some stage last week I was thinking about it and I started giggling in the car.  Craig asked me what was so funny and I said that I think I am just "fat and happy".  It really isn't a bad place to be.   I am in a good space but I know that my body will be happier with more strength.  Craig is happy with me just the way I am (a point my brain is still coming to terms with as I was raised by the media to believe that no one could ever be attracted to or love to cuddle a bum as expansive as my own...).  But here I have found a man that loves me completely flaws and all.  Giggly thighs and wiggly bum and boobs that when I lay down seem to take great delight in going on adventures down my sides.  But this man sees the sexy. He supports my dreams and wants nothing but the best for me.  How freeking amazing is that?

I'll tell you a bit about Craig.  This man when he was 17 was a vibrant athlete and had pushed himself so hard that he got pneumonia....It turned into a rare form of autoimmune disease that started eating at his musculature.   He was paralysed for a year and a half and confined to a wheelchair.  His mind was still sharp as a tack but in the beginning he could only move his eyes nothing else then every thing slowly started to return to one degree or another. It took him a year and a half to return to being able to walk again using a stick and his legs and hands are still quite wasted.  So he is limited in being able to go hiking or biking like he used to.  However this man who fought so hard to get out of a wheelchair went out and got one again so that he could join me on runs.  Now that....That is love if I have ever heard it.

 I imagine I still have half of my life left to live and this part....this part is going to be the humdinger.  I want to have the physicality to get in and do the bits that I want to do.  So it is back to  jogging and stuffs.
An hour out of my day to work this beautiful body I have been gifted.  I just wonder why when I feel so good after I have been for a run why I find it so damn hard to get my ass off the couch to do it?

Barefoot Guides, Wild Rides, and Turning 40

So this weekend I was invited down to the South Island to photograph Jenny and Roland Mapp's High Country Station.  http://www.spraypoint.co.nz/

It was the closest thing to my Nepal trek I could think of.....now if you have read my blog you will know that at the beginning of my weight loss adventure I had decided that I wanted to do it because I didn't want to flatten a Sherpa by having to have them carry me up a mountain side.   Now that didn't quite happen this weekend however.....Here is the result:

A shoeless Roland...being the High Country gentleman that he is when he saw me stranded struggling to scramble up a ravine that needed scrambling the man literally gave me his shoes (helps that I have quite big feet and they fit near perfectly).  He just casually walked up it barefooted.  Now I did bring shoes....stupid city shoes.  No not heels.... just tevas that I use all the time to run and shoot in but apparently they are incredibly stupid shoes for hiking in the mountains.  Now I know. 

What I didn't know is that there is nothing in a gym routine that can prepare you for clinging on to the back of a motor bike that doesn't have foot rests.  Twenty minutes pretty much straight up with my thighs gripping on for dear life and my muscles all contracted trying to keep my feet from dragging or wacking in to the large boulders we kept dodging.   Then twenty minutes down hill now incorporating my back muscles.....I could barely stand straight after I got off the bike except for the adrenalin that had me bouncing around. 

What I learned is that I still get puffed doing uphill stuff.  I don't want to get puffed doing up hill stuff.  So more hikes it is. 

I have decided since the work with the Trainers has stopped I will start doing core work as suggested by my dear friend Melissa twice a week and that I will challenge myself to hike up some of the bigger hills around here in the mornings.  So my plan is to work out M-F and then blob a bit on the weekends. 

Last week was my last week doing the Look Better Naked and the end result was

Weight = 123.2kg’s – 2.8kg’s lost

Body Fat = 42.2% - 9% lost  (my goal was 47% as I started at 51.1%)

Skin Sum = 347.5cm – 14cm lost (this was my goal...randomly set but achieved non the less)

Push Ups = 15 (I couldn't even do one when we started)

Sit Ups = 52 (31 6 weeks prior)

Step Test = 106 pulse  (was 132 before LBN)

On Turning 40

Last night I retouched my sparkly diamond roots a lovely shade of magenta as I was tired of wearing hats to cover the grey.   I turn 40 years old in two days.  I still feel mentally about 26...some days 17 depending on how responsible I am feeling.  I am not really sure what turning 40 means....the only thing I didn't want  to do was hit it in a slow ooze.  

What I am grateful for in my 40 years on this planet:

1. My son - that this body that I chastise for being bigger than the current fashion was able to create and deliver life, just makes all of its wobbly bits just that much more special. 
2. My partner - I have a man in my life who I truly do not deserve.  I give him a serious run for his money, and keep him forever on his toes....but he loves me despite of it and for it.  He is my rock, my home port, the place that I can find shelter from the storms of life and comfort in his love.  Not sure how I got this lucky.
3. My work - Everyday I get to do what I love.  Yes it is scary running my own business and there are days when I think I am slightly nuts to do it but then....then I realize how happy I am creating. 
4. My family - I have nut jobs for parents in the best way....a sister who keeps me on my toes, beautiful step children...a niece that makes me grin from ear to ear every time I see her picture or get to cuddle her sweetness. There is spice and dramas but mostly there is a lot of love. 
5. My Health - I never smoked, rarely drink, but I have eaten the hell out of life and moved quite slowly unless being chased.   my body has put up with the oral abuse I have given it and kept me in reasonably good condition.   Thank god for that. 
6. My sense of humour - I typically can entertain myself. I crack myself up at the often stupid things I do and I am glad for my own company most of the time. 

The End of the Trainers and my vulnerable little shoot

So I had a special with my Trainers that now is ending.  I planned on having a six week push to get me off my ass and into exercising.  What I have discovered is that there are two sides to my brain.  There is one part that wants junk food and to spend time doing shit that I enjoy and that doesn't involve heavy breathing and discomfort.  Then there is the enlightened side that wants the best of health and wellness.  This part is the weaker part for the better part of 40 years.  She is so under cultivated that she is like a fragile new shoot at risk of being trampled growing right next to this hulking gnarled behemoth tree of bad habits and "fark it I am going to die anyway sort of thinking"

So my trainers will be going and I am left with that little shoot and my hulking gnarled tree.   it is almost like the trainers have been this protective cage around my little shoot and now the cage is being taken away and I am left to take care of it myself.   Did I mention that I have vegetable garden ADD?  Right so what will be the new plan.  How do I keep the momentum going and the little sprout of wellness growing.....I know....just farking do it.   There is a thought.

Make a plan and just do it.  Go Nike, you wise marketing gurus you.

The next goal post I have is a Santa Run....Whole bunch of slightly nutters will get dressed up in Santa suits and run around the Harbour....slightly strange fun.....count me in.  Here is my plan for training.  I am going to do something that makes me sweaty Monday - Friday....then I am going to sit on my bum Saturday and Sunday unless I feel like doing something.

Now speaking of doing something fun on the weekends.....Lookie where I am going this weekend

http://www.spraypoint.co.nz/

Here is what I posted about it on Facebook:
About 5 years ago a beautiful woman named LeeAnne Duncan asked to write a story about my blueberry farming family for New Zealand Life and Leisure....when the photographer Tessa Chrisp came to shoot the story I watched her like a hawk and w

hen it was all done I knew that what she was doing is what I wanted to be doing for a living too....I kept telling the editor that I would one day shoot for her...she inwardly laughed at first (quietly, and patiently told me that they only hire the best photographers in New Zealand that a blueberry farmer as keen as she may be will not quite cut the mustard) I just smiled and asked her what she would recommend I do and she steered me towards NZIPP. Four years later I called the art director back and said "Right...I have achieved Master of Photography twice over through NZIPP and they have me as National Photography Judge....wanna give me a crack now?) So this weekend LeeAnne and I are off to the south island and she will be writing and I will be shooting. How freaking cool is that.

Now here is what I figure.  If I could set my mind to achieving this then why can I not use the same powers of focus to reshape my body?  And bring me to a healthier state?  Many more adventures I would like to be doing....The guy Roland who owns this farm goes way out into the bush and works with endangered species the stuff he has seen is amazing and I want to be able to hike to the places he goes to do a more in depth shoot of it.   Need to train more for that so.......just do it.   

Not so pretty | Pushing 40kgs

The lovely Mal 

I have 40 Kgs to go in my weight loss.  Today when I was doing my exercises at Results room with Mal I realized that he was building up to having me push and pull about 40kgs and then it sunk in that it was the amount of extra weight I am currently carrying on my body....Huge wake up call let me tell ya. 

Zombie Fodder and Drink bottle Trophies

Let just say if it were a real zombie apocalypse Sam and I would be toast.  Me because I am slow and I am more worried about my kid than myself and Sam because the teenager would just think it is far more fun to tease the buggers than anything.   The 5k element started with a big up hill section.  I kept thinking that zombies would jump out at any moment but they were all focused in certain areas because the island is a protected nature reserve and they couldn' t go off trail for fear of stepping on a tuatara or a giant weta.

Our job on the run was to grab two different coloured vials of vaccine and get to the finish line.  We had three paper tags on our waist like ripper rugby that the zombies tried to pull off (these were our lifelines).  It was like playing  a video game but for real and was freaky as could be.  I laugh when I am scared or nervous as well as when I am having a blast.  So here is me with my pigtails merrily laughing my way through a zombie infested battlement with my son running around like a headless chicken. Yes we didn't have a chance.   But it was so much fun.

Sam at the beginning managed to  find a rope and a rock and made a bolo like thing and was swinging it around while we were on the climb to the top.  I was impressed with his thinking but had to do the mother thing and tell him to stop swinging it because he could hurt someone.  The last section we had to go into some building called the incinerator it was so packed with Zombies there was no way we were gonna get through, at least not without weapons.  As they were actors wacking them with the bolo seemed a little extreme....but I did think about it.  :) 

Somes Island is so beautiful.  I had forgotten how lovely it is as the last time I was here I think it was when Sam was about 5 years old.   The wind was blowing a gale and there was intermittent rain.  Which completely added to the effect. 

The Go Pro Arrived just the day before the shoot.  Sam made a video of it that could still use  more editing but try fast forwarding to minute three and you will get an idea of what it was like....True to form I was busy taking pictures when I wasn't being chased.

The funny thing was after the training that I have been doing the 5k felt like a walk in the park.  I was actually surprised when we reached the end. Granted it was stop and start and involved some walking instead of running but yep I wasn't as puffed as I feared I would be. 

On that note looky at my new drink bottle:

Yesterday at my Look Better Naked Session I was given this flash new drink bottle by my trainer Chelsea, as a prize for pushing myself the hardest in the group (well it was the beautiful Marion and I who won prizes).  I got it because I finally for the first time since I was in the Navy managed to do a big boy push up.  Whoo hoo.  My drill instructor would have laughed at it but hey I was off my knees and I was one proud woman. 

Will post pictures shortly of the lovely Mal who I am going to see today.  He is my Wellington based trainer at the Results Room.  He has such a lovely personality that you actually enjoy going to get your butt kicked....How does that work?

 Adventure Wellington  was the organization that put on the Zombie Run.  It is a meet up group that is an absolute blast to belong to.

The Goddess in the Gym Mirror and the Sugar Junkie

Weighed in last Thursday and there was no change in my weight.   I think it is a fruit related problem.  On the LBN I am supposed to only have two fruits a day. I have been slacking on sticking to the food plan tight and have been saying....mehhh.  What will a hand full of grapes harm me....probably not much until I am grazing on them everytime I pass the fridge and downing fruit juice, and diet coke instead of water.  I once heard grapes referred to as "natures candy."  Ahhhh sugar you sweet siren you.  Plus I have been craving protein like it is going out of style.  Never craved steak so much in my life. Felt like a freaking caveman. So it really was no surprise that when I rocked up at the gym yesterday I felt like crap.  I even got dizzy with some of the exercises that involved getting down and getting up again.   I can be so stubborn and thick on occasion...but I suppose it is baby steps as long as they aren't all in a backwards direction.

But even as crummy as I was feeling yesterday something very interesting happened.  I was jogging in Les Mills down the corridor that has a mirror.   Looking slightly less like poos than normal (I had an appointment to shoot for TV guide at a TV station and I needed to look semi presentable...then I needed to go strait to the gym minus time to put my hair up and take my makeup off).   So I was running down the corridor towards a mirror.  All 124kgs of me, purple red hair flowing out behind me, sweating my makeup off and feeling dizzy and achy and I looked at myself in the mirror....Now to tell the whole story I often try to avoid full length mirrors...They often confuse me because I still have a mental picture of myself in my mid twenties before baby....But then I see a totally different woman in front of me.  But this time I saw myself in my 39 year old sweaty glory and I was proud and I saw strength in the weakness and I saw beauty and power in there.  It was quite a surreal experience (probably was a powerful cocktail of dehydration and low blood pressure mixed with the exercise endorphins) but for just a moment I saw all of the powerful women who had existed before me manifesting out of my eyes.   It was a very happy space to be in.  Still physically felt like crap but mentally there was a beautiful shift.

For me this journey is about freedom.  The fat on my body has become a bit of a trap.  It keeps me locked away from doing all of the adventures that I really feel like doing.  Life is short and I might only have this one go at it.  I am not that concerned about the vanity of it.   I am loved and cherished by others at this size and I have a bit of a fatalist view that myself and the most beautiful and  fit person on the planet are still going to both end up only dusty bones in a grave somewhere so what would the point be of working so hard if it will all be for not in the end?  I am working for freedom to do what I want when the opportunity presents itself.  I am not a sidelines girl.  I have put myself in a position where my body is sidelining me.  Not because of an accident or something out of my control but because I haven't invested the time to ensure it can function with as few limitations as possible.

Next month I turn 40.  The last thing I wanted was to oooze into this.  Instead I am giving it a valiant fight for myself and honouring that I have many many more adventures in front of me and I am so looking forward to them....but I need to earn the right to them.   So today I will pay with my dear Mal at Results Room. Here we go.........

On Seeing Progress

So last week I weighed in at Results Room and had lost two kg's.  My fat pants are no longer tight and just that little bit of movement pulled my motivation right back out of me.   I haven't been cringing this week going to the gym.....screwing up my face when I am there.....thank you Chelsea for the Hovers from hell.   But what is funny is I find that my mind is my biggest obstacle.   These hovers they suck in the worst way for me and I am even on my knees doing them.  So it is basically like a push up position but on your elbows and you have to use core strength and arms to support youself.   Which is fine because I always try to keep my knees near my elbows until Chelsea sees me and she makes me scoot my arms forward and put my full weight on them.....and hold.....and hold.................................................................................and hold.   My face usually looks like I am giving birth while I am doing this one....But what I figured out is the pain is often in my mind more than my arms.  Because my last one was better than my first when I challenged myself to suck it up and just do it.

I am about to leave to go to my PT session at the Results Room with Mal.  Gorgeous Mal who keeps up a light stream of conversation to keep your mind off of the pain.  I often am surprised how quick my sessions with him go because of that sneaky little technique of his.   I discovered that the more tired I am though the crappier my coordination.  As he had me play a bowling game and each time I missed I had to do a series of exercises.  The more I did them the crappier my aim.

What I have discovered about my own weight issues is that at this stage I need someone to be accountable to. Because if I leave it to my self I will talk myself out of exercise pretty efficiently.  But if I know someone is waiting for me....Well I need to go or I know I am letting someone down.

One time a week sessions were not cutting it.  It has to be 3-4 to make a difference with me. Because when I had just the one.  I didn't have the internal hutspa to do the rest on my own and I would get a bit lost not remembering what to do next.   Simple and spelled out for me works a treat.

So here is to another kg hopefully this week.   We shall see.
Cheers,
Mandi