Beauty and the Chub

Big is Beautiful...and so is small

I've been Rubinesque (Chubby, pleasantly plump)  my whole life really with the exception of after boot camp...and just before I was commissioned I have carried extra weight on my body.  At the moment I am carrying about the equivalent of a small child on my ass.   Now this is just me...some days I feel like I need to take up extra space just to hold all the sparkles, wonderful ideas, and excitement I have inside....Some days it just feels like extra weight weighing me down.

My weight does have a small advantage though in my job.  Women don't mind getting their kit off as much when they realize that the woman they are about to show themselves off to is heavier than they are.  It is a subtle but comforting thing for most people because the biggest fear most women seem to harbour is the fear of being seen.....and then judged.  Most women in their heart of hearts really just want to be SEEN and then Appreciated for what they are...on the inside but hey lets be honest....on the outside as well.   Now in my job I get to see beauty every day.  I get to dress it up and enhance it and pull that inner sparkle out.   I don't care if you are the size of a house or would blow away in a stiff wind.  You are still beautiful to me.   And I will find that sparkle...I have a sparkle sensing device naturally installed in my head and it's sole function is to seek out peoples inner cheeky divinity and highlight it.

And so anyway I want to lose some weight. (Squirrel)   (Parentheses squirrels are simply an acknowledgement of the way my brain works and that to any logically bound person it will seem like I am jumping from one idea to another with no logical connection...maybe....or as I like to believe somewhere in the inner reaches of my creatively wired brain their will be a connection but it is to much of a mission to retrace the brilliant leaps of thought that brought it full circle to my new thought.... so we will just simply shout Squirrel and be done with it).....(Squirrel)   I want to go see my friend Nima's village in Nepal without causing some poor Sherpas to blow out their backs carrying me up a mountain on a stretcher.  I would like to bike in the south of France and cliff dive in Greece.   These are my plans and at the moment I would need to bring a tractor seat to switch for the bike seat if I wanted to do that ride.  So hence the need to loose a bit of weight....Oh and lets not forget about my poor Accountants chair.

But I don't want to be disloyal either.  I am worried that losing weight will then make some of my clients start to feel a bit more insecure in front of my camera.  So I have a plan.

At its core is the belief that every woman that comes to see me is beautiful.  No matter what their size shape, scars, creatively placed teeth, or beautiful nose that they just can't help but see as their own personal cross to bare.   So I am going to put myself out there and show you that I believe it in myself too.  Yes I have body hangups...every woman I know does.  But that doesn't mean I can't feel sexy as well.

So here is my plan:

I weigh in at the moment at the largest I have ever been in my life....yes 127kg  (280lbs).  I am happier than I have ever been in my life too.   I have created an authentic life that is true to me and the fact that my bum is big is just that...a fact.   I have spent too much of my energy on this earth bemoaning the fat content of my beautifully functioning body  ( Every bit is in working order at the moment).  I have done diets, I have taken pills, I have gone into eating  recovery programs.  And every time there was this cruel  judgmental part of my personality that would manifest and start berating me and vilifying my body for being so fat....poor body.   (I fired that bitchy part though and hired the goddess to be in charge instead)  So this time I have a different plan.  I am going to celebrate each stage of the loss of fat.  I am going to thank it for its time nourishing my body and then let it go...grieve a bit if I need to (I believe that fat is sometimes a physical manifestation of stored emotions and that when you start to lose fat, emotions that are tied to what ever you were shoving down in the form of mallowpuffs/double stuffed oreos tend to start getting loosened as well).

I am going to do a beautiful photoshoot at each stage of loss....ideally every 7kgs.    This way I have a record to show people of pretty at all sizes...at least for me at 127kgs.  If someone is heavier and wants to be showcased by all means get in touch.   My goal is to drop 100lbs/45kgs.  I will take as long as I need to do this and will just take it a step at a time.   I am working with a personal trainer named Mal at the Results room and they have me on a very sensible plan of eating....that allows me enough diversions so that I don't fall off the wagon and start trying to eat an entire wall of chocolate.   I have also signed up for a Zombie run ( 60 zombies will be stationed on Somes Island and 80 people are running a 5K marathon to avoid them and get to the vaccine).  I would imagine that a regular marathon would be boring as dust but being chased by zombies might actually get me off my ass to train.

So anyway this is the plan.  I will keep you updated on the progress each week on Thursday plus any other bits and bobs of wonderfulness I find along the week.   Mwwwaaahhhh....Mandi