On being and unmotivated Softie

So until I took this challenge on.  I respected myself as a bit of hard ass.  That I could tackle any challenge in front of me and handle it with aplomb.... mostly. What I have realized is that I have hand selected challenges to work with what I enjoy doing so the grunty hard stuff never really factored.  Sure I could pull ridiculously long hours.....in front of a computer screen.  Not exactly challenging for anything other than my mind....and possibly sore back.

But going to the gym....no thank you.

I am doing it now and getting my ass handed to me on a platter.  I go irritably.  I watch the clock through the whole thing.  I am not in a happy space and I am not filled with boundless energy afterward.

In fact on Monday I felt like someone had pulled my plug and I was running on a soon to expire battery.  Wednesday was better though.  On Wednesday I was a bit more charged and I realized that my fat pants were no longer tight.

I am paying the piper and that is all there is to it.   I have spent 40 years doing what ever the heck I wanted with my body (which was very little....all of the focus went to my mind).  And now I am paying for it....big time.   Every little snack I had just because I felt like it is now literally being paid for with a pound of flesh.   It goes on so much easier than it comes off.

I am just praying that by the time this 6 weeks is up that my attitude will change and I will be more excited to go to the gym....because when I am left to my own devices the excuse voice kicks in loud and clear.  She is gifted at coming up with a million reasons why I shouldn't go to the gym.   I listened to her this Sunday and I have been feeling shit about it all week.  I went to the gym on monday knowing I was going to have to own up to the Tiramisu I ate with Craig on the weekend and the lack of Sunday exercise.  I was exhausted.  But I think it was mostly because I was feeling slightly ashamed from not doing what I committed to doing.  Oh these mind games I play.   Nike had it right.....Just do it.

Drop 45 Kgs....Just do it.
Get Fit to hike in Nepal.....Just do it.
One step at a time at 8/10 effort......Just do it.